I recently visited my oldest son. A few months ago he graduated from college, and has begun the perilous, winding path toward adulthood. Based on what he had been sharing with me about his post-college status, it sounded like he was doing quite well. He is in graduate school, has started his own business, lives in his own apartment (no roommates!), owns his own car (well, I helped him that), has no children (I’m excited about having grandchildren but in no rush) and is in good health. What’s not to like about that profile? He is certainly further along than I was at his age. Nonetheless, I still wanted to see him. As the old folks used to say, I wanted to “lay my eyes on him.” I decided not to surprise him (lest I find a surprise waiting for me when I arrived lol). So I went. And it was a great trip. I had no other agenda than to check on my son. We talked, laughed, ate, and discussed his future.

But the highlight of the trip occurred one evening as we were leaving for dinner. After arising from my afternoon nap, I had turned on the floor lamp behind the couch to read the newspaper. I hurriedly read the newspaper while I got dressed, grabbed my wallet, and started walking toward the front door to meet my son who was already in the hallway. I thought he was going to lock the door, but then he said “hold up Pop,” and rushed back into his apartment. I thought he had forgotten something. But he hadn’t. I had. I had forgotten to turn off the floor lamp behind the couch. So he went back in to his apartment to turn it off. I apologized, laughed inwardly, and took careful note.

At that moment, I was never prouder of my son. The fact that he went back in his apartment to turn the lamp light off was all the proof I needed that he is headed in the right direction. Because whenever you start turning lights off, that means that you are paying the light bill. It’s proof that you have skin in the game. It was easy to me to forget to turn the lamp light off. Why? Because I don’t have to pay the bill.

Attributed to legendary investor Warren Buffett, the expression Skin in the game is an expression that means to have a personal interest, risk, or investment in a decision or an outcome. The expression is also the title of a popular book by Nassim Taleb, that explores how “how the willingness to accept one’s own risks is an essential attribute of heroes, saints, and flourishing people in all walks of life.” In other words, never trust the advice or adopt the counsel of someone who isn’t personally affected by the decisions that they are making. I am flabbergasted by how easily and how often people make recommendations on what other people should or should not do. But it is so much easier to give advice than to take it—especially when the advice when you giving doesn’t not impact you. Skin the game means that I am personally invested in and affected by the outcomes that my decisions may produce. It is exceedingly wise to inquire how much skin someone has in the game before you solicit their counsel, heed their advice, or follow their instructions. I will never forget the closing lines of The Cider House Rules, one of my favorite movies. One of the characters say “the people who made the rules don’t have to live here. When you don’t have to live with rules you make, those rules should be viewed with enormous skepticism.

According to Genesis 6, God decided that he was going to destroy the world that he had just created. But he extended grace to a man named Noah. Then God gave Noah these instructions:

“Build yourself a ship from teakwood. Make rooms in it. Coat it with pitch inside and out. Make it 450 feet long, seventy-five feet wide, and forty-five feet high. Build a roof for it and put in a window eighteen inches from the top; put in a door on the side of the ship; and make three decks, lower, middle, and upper. “I’m going to bring a flood on the Earth that will destroy everything alive under Heaven. Total destruction. “But I’m going to establish a covenant with you: You’ll board the ship, and your sons, your wife and your sons’ wives will come on board with you. You are also to take two of each living creature, a male and a female, on board the ship, to preserve their lives with you: two of every species of bird, mammal, and reptile—two of everything so as to preserve their lives along with yours. Also get all the food you’ll need and store it up for you and them. Noah did everything God commanded him to do.

What I find instructive about these directions is that Noah had to live in the ship that God instructed him to build. When you have to live in what you build, you build differently. When you have to live in what you build, you build carefully. When you have to live in what you build, you build prayerfully. And when you have to live in what you build, you build thoughtfully.

Don’t ever let someone build you a ship that they may not have to travel in.

It might have leaks.