Although I was raised in New York, both of my parents hail from South Carolina. As a result, most of our summer vacations were spent traveling back to their respective hometowns, with plenty of stops en route. We went so often that I memorized the distances between the various cities and would amuse myself by trying to alphabetize the words on the exit signs as we drove by. (I know, not normal lol).

One of my favorite features of those summer trips was the restaurants we visited along the way. To me, the best of the bunch was Howard Johnson. I am unsure if that establishment even exists nowadays. But during those summer excursions, a trip to Howard Johnsons was what I imagined Heaven to be like.. They had an item on the menu that I dreamed of: a 24 ounce strawberry milkshake with sprinkles. I yearned annually for the milkshake, but was consistently rebuffed.. LOL. Then one summer, I recruited my mother to join my campaign for the milkshake, and my father reluctantly agreed to let me order it. I cannot describe the swirl of euphoria that enveloped me as I awaited the delivery of that 24 ounce glass of happiness. Time stood still; angels danced; all was right with the world. LOL.

Finally, it arrived. I remember the milkshake being almost as tall as I was. I also remember having to stand tip toe in order to put the straw into my mouth. And alas, I finally remember the mess I made when I vomited the milkshake all over the table that my family was sitting at. I drank too much, too fast—and got sick. On the way back to the car after this fiasco, I will never forget what my father said to me. He said “uh huh—your eyes were bigger than your stomach.”

That experience ranks high on my list of life lessons. I have never forgotten it. I learned that altogether too often, our desire exceeds our capacity. There was nothing wrong with me wanting the milkshake. But my father knew that after eating a full meal, my adolescent stomach simply did not have the capacity I thought it did. I thought I could handle it. And don’t we always? But unfortunately, we are usually wrong. It takes an incredibly mature and highly self-aware individual to look at an opportunity, a relationship, or an option and to decline it because of limited capacity. One of my mentors who operates a community development corporation once told me that he declined a massive grant they received. His rationale? “It was too much money for us at the time, he shared.” Imagine that! How wise. And how rare.

The question that we should ask ourselves much more often than we usually do is “can I handle what I think I want?”

This is the question that Jesus once asked two of his disciples. They approached him with a bold request:

Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came over and spoke to him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do us a favor.”“What is your request?” he asked. They replied, “When you sit on your glorious throne, we want to sit in places of honor next to you, one on your right and the other on your left.” Mark 10:36-37

Consider Jesus’ response:

But Jesus said to them, “You don’t know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink? Are you able to be baptized with the baptism of suffering I must be baptized with?” Mark 10L38

Interestingly, Jesus did not condemn them for their request. He just wanted them to understand that sitting next to him had a price—and they had to be both willing AND able to pay it. Everything comes with a price! But not everyone is both willing AND able to pay it. So before you start begging God for your version of a strawberry milkshake, make sure you are both willing AND able to handle it. You must ask yourself “do I have the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity to manage what I am asking for?”

Do I have the capacity to handle the pressure of being the Boss?

Do I have the capacity to handle the envy and isolation that comes with success?

Do I have the capacity to handle the demands that come with being married?

Do I have the capacity to handle the maintenance costs that come with this luxury car?

Do I have the capacity to work the hours necessary to climb the corporate ladder?

If you don’t have the capacity, it might be better to order a different item on Life’s menu.