The September 15 edition of The New York TImes featured a fascinating article entitled “Why Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often”, written Dr. Darby Saxby. A clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Souther California, Dr. Saxby contends in the article that the modern parenting approach of putting our children at the center of our universe may contribute to adverse outcomes. Dr. Saxby further contends that this so-called “helicopter” approach is precisely the opposite approach that most of the world for most of recorded history has approached child rearing. As one anthropologist who has studied hunter-gather societies in Central Africa told her, “children in those societies spend lots of time with their parents — they tag along throughout the day and often help with tasks like foraging — but they are rarely the main object of their parents’ attention. Sometimes bored, sometimes engaged, these kids spend much of their time observing adults doing adult things.” Dr. Saxby argues for “mindful underparenting” and says that parents should let their children tag along as they go about their daily lives, without screens, whether they are bored or not.

Dr. Saxby’s article unleashed a torrent of feedback. I was unable to read all of the 732 comments that have been posted to the article, nor was I able to post my own (the comment section is now closed). But I believe that Dr. Saxby is onto something. In one of my recent blogs, I referred to an incident in the life of Jesus that is recorded in Luke 2. When Jesus was only twelve years old, he traveled with his parents to Jerusalem to celebrate the Jewish celebration of the passover. Passover was one of the three annual celebrations (Tabernacles and Pentecost being the other two) that all devout Jews were commanded to celebrate each year. These celebrations were family affairs, and involved massive travel. Some scholars speculate that in New Testament times, more than one million people from various corners of Israel would ascend to Jerusalem. When the celebration had concluded, Jesus deliberately stayed behind and his parents didn’t realize that he was missing until the next day.

The fact that Jesus could get lost and not be missed is quite instructive. It means that he was not the center of his parents’ attention. They had more important matters to attend to than the whereabouts of their prepubescent child. Had that same incident happened today at any church in America, the Department of Child Services would be called, the parents would be suicidal, and next week, that church would probably be empty. Jesus’s parents found him. And he was fine. And perhaps that is one of the takeaways from this ancient anecdote. Perhaps children fare better with a little less attention. I believe that Dr. Saxby is onto something.

Furthermore, I believe that Dr. Saxby’s counsel not only applies to how parents raise their children. I think that learning how to ignore people is a skill that we should all use on a more regular basis. A wise man once told me that a wise preacher once told him that it isn’t necessary to make a big fuss about an issue. Some issues, he advised, “should die from lack of attention.” There is deep wisdom in that insight. Whatever (or whoever) we give our attention to grows. Sometimes ignoring people and the “emergencies” that they insist require our immediate attention is a wise strategy.

There is a marvelous example of this truth in a conversation that God has with Gideon in Judges 6:13-14. God tells Gideon that God’s favor was upon the nation of Israel, and that he wanted to use him to defeat a nation called the Midianites, who had invaded Israel and stolen all of their crops. Puzzled and angered by God’s request, Gideon responds:

“Sir,” Gideon replied, “if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? And where are all the miracles our ancestors told us about? Didn’t they say, ‘The Lord brought us up out of Egypt’? But now the Lord has abandoned us and handed us over to the Midianites.”

Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!”

If you pay careful attention to God’s response, you will notice that he basically ignores each of Gideon’s questions, and proceeds to reiterate his agenda and his assignment for Gideons’ life. It seems that Dr. Saxby’s counsel may bear a divine imprimatur.

Now some people might confuse ignoring people (and/or issues) with avoiding people (and/or issues). But I think there is a subtle but significant difference between the two. Avoiding people is failing to confront a person, issue or situation that needs resolution. Ignoring people is resolving the issue by choosing not to confront it because of a decision that the person, issue or situation isn’t worth or does not merit your time, energy or attention.

Some stuff you should ignore.

And some people too!!