A Graceful Exit

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You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. 1 Corinthians 10:23

Making an exit is usually much more complicated that making an entrance. Most of us spend the majority of our time trying to figure out how to “get in" particular places and with particular people. But I’m not sure we spend as much time trying to figure out how to “get out.” But as any one who has ever parked their car in a tight space has discovered, getting out (without damaging your car) is a dicey affair.

Last week, Atlanta Mayor Keisha Bottoms conducted a masterclass on making a graceful exit. Bottoms announced that she would not be seeking re-election. Her announcement took the political world by storm and many of her supporters by surprise. Both reactions to her announcement were rooted in her sterling credentials, the impressive list of accomplishments she has complied while steering one of the fastest growing cities in the country, and the universal expectation that she would reelected to serve a second term.

When I listened to the explanation she gave for not wanting to serve a second term, I was impressed. Unfortunately, few people in positions such as hers voluntarily walk out. Most never come out; others have to be carried out, and some have to be put out.

Toward the end of her announcement, she said something that has really stuck with me. After pointing out that polls showed she could easily won re-election (as well as citing the financial and political strength of her campaign), Mayor Bottoms said “just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should do it.”

I wish more of us would understand and act on that counsel.

Mayor Bottoms said she arrived at her decision after she and her husband prayed about it, clarified the season that their family was in, and the decided to walk out “holding her head high.”

Wow. Along with shock and surprise, many were saddened by her decision. While she had her critics, most believe that Atlanta is losing one of the best mayors it has ever had. But apparently Mayor Bottoms decided that was good for Atlanta was no longer good for her—or her family.

The Bible introduces us to another politician who did not fare as well as Mayor Bottoms. Jehoram was a young King (he assumed the throne at 32) and had a relatively short reign (8 years). But in describing his tenure, the scriptures offer one of the most unflattering descriptions of any leader to be found anywhere.

2 Chronicles 21:20 informs us that when King Jehoram died, he “departed without being desired.” I have always considered those words to be one of the most tragic epigraphs and eloquent insults that I have ever read.

To depart without being desired means people were ready for you to go.

To depart without being desired means you overstayed your welcome.

To depart without being desired means you outlived your usefulness.

To depart without being desired means that your only contribution has been time.

The Message Translation (MSG) of the Bible describes the same incident in even more chilling terms:

There were no tears shed when he died—it was good riddance!—and they buried him in the City of David, but not in the royal cemetery.

The citizens of Jerusalem didn’t even think that Jehoram deserved to be buried in the special cemetery reserved for Kings—even though he was one.

Sheesh.

This is what happens when you confuse the could with the should. You wind up being unloved, disrespected, and out of place.

A graceful exit is when you realize that what’s possible may not be beneficial, and you bow out—without regret, remorse, or reservation.

What I can do is about opportunity.

What I should do is about destiny.

And not every opportunity leads to destiny.

What I can do is about possibility.

What I should do is about meaning.

And not every possibility leads to meaning.

What I can do is about ego.

What I should do is about obligation.

And the only obligation to my ego is to keep it from wrecking my life.

The question I need to ask myself when considering any course of action is not whether it is possible (it usually is), but if it is beneficial. Is this really going to benefit me or the people that I Iove? And if so, how?

Just because I can afford the house doesn’t mean I should buy it.

Just because you ask me out on a date doesn’t mean I should go.

Just because I can retire doesn’t mean I should.

Just because I can wear the dress doesn’t mean I should.

Just because a job is offered doesn’t mean I should take it.

And just because a door is open doesn’t mean I should walk through it.

Stop confusing could with should.

It will help you walk through life with your head high.

And even walk away, if necessary—with grace.