Everyone Shouldn't Get A Trophy

In the opening paragraphs of their marvelous book The Entitlement Trap, authors Richard and Linda Eyre make a point so compelling that It grabbed my attention and still has not let it go. Here is what they said:

A sense of entitlement (which is the polar opposite of a sense of responsibility) is endemic among children today. It is fostered by our demanding, narcissistic society where wants are confused with needs and where everyone seems focused on the notion that he deserves what everyone else has. Gone are the days when kids expected to have to work for something, even for approval. Everyone gets a trophy now, everyone is recognized, and everyone is special. Kids grow up in a reality-show world, thinking of themselves as the central character on the stage

We pour unearned praise over them, protect them from the criticism of teachers and coaches, give them everything from toys to automobiles, and make no connections between their freedoms and their responsibilities. We seem to be working for our kids’ approval, rather than their working for ours.

How true! And alas, how sad! In my imagination I can hear the senior choir at Bethel A.M.E. Church (the church I grew up in) in Freeport, New York singing “Let The Church say Amen!” Unfortunately, this sense of entitlement is not only endemic among children. It pervades our entire culture. Everyone thinks they deserve a trophy, and we pour unearned praise, lavish unwarranted attention, and invest undeserving energy on individuals who often have demonstrated little or no evidence of commitment, achievement, or character. Parents are guilty; teachers are guilty, bosses are guilty, leaders are guilty. Even Pastors (me included) are guilty. We all tend to prefer or promote on potential and not productivity or performance, and allow who and what we like to blind us to who and what we need. We all would do well to remember the counsel offered by Thomas Paine, who said “that which we obtain too easily we esteem to lightly.” Whenever we lower the cost, we lower the value. Making things too easy usually results in making a mess.

One of the best biblical examples of this phenomenon is King Jeroboam. Chosen by God to succeed King Solomon, Jereboam was an industrious man who was raised by a single mother. The fact that he was chosen by God is noteworthy, because most people assumed that Solomon’s son Rheheboam would succeed him. And at first he did—but he then made a terrible decison that paved the way for Jereboam to ascend to the throne—just as God intended. However, Jereboam was afraid that he might lose his grip on the kingdom, so he made a decision that would ruin him and the nation. That decision is a reminder that people in powerful positions can still struggle with insecurity. According to 1 Kings 12:28-30(MSG),

…the king came up with a plan: He made two golden calves. Then he announced, “It’s too much trouble for you to go to Jerusalem to worship. Look at these—the gods who brought you out of Egypt!” He put one calf in Bethel; the other he placed in Dan. This was blatant sin. Think of it—people traveling all the way to Dan to worship a calf!

And that wasn’t the end of it. Jeroboam built forbidden shrines all over the place and recruited priests from wherever he could find them, regardless of whether they were fit for the job or not. To top it off, he created a holy New Year festival to be held on the fifteenth day of the eighth month to replace the one in Judah, complete with worship offered on the Altar at Bethel and sacrificing before the calves he had set up there. He staffed Bethel with priests from the local shrines he had made.

Jereboam wanted to make it easy for the people: easy for them to sacrifice; easy for anyone to become a priest; and easy for them to worship. However, this policy was in direct violation of God’s requirements. There is an entire book of the Bible (Leviticus) and several sections of other biblical books (notably Exodus and Deuteronomy) that lay out in painstaking detail the stringent rules and strict requirements that God established to worship and serve him properly. Jereboam wanted to make it easy for the people so that it would make it easy for him. He thought that offering a radical discount to God’s standards would purchase their loyalty, dedication and commitment to his leadership.

But Jereboam’s policy didn’t work then.

And it doesn’t work now.

Some stuff never goes on sale. Character cannot be purchased wholesale. Mastery cannot be found on the discount rack. Discipline never goes on sale. Dependability and loyalty are never marked down.

If you examine your greatest accomplishments, your most prized possessions, and most rewarding relationships, you will discover that none of them came easy. The sacrifice and sweat that they required made them more precious than silver, and more valuable than gold.

Are you making things too easy for those you love?

For those you lead?

For yourself?

Any trophy you get that you did not earn will collect dust in the closet, and will eventually wind up in the trash-exactly where it belongs.