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So….I was running some errands yesterday morning and I came to a traffic light. I wasn’t sure how to proceed at the intersection because both the red and the yellow signals were on at the same time. I was so intrigued by what I saw that I took a picture of it, which you see above. I can’t ever remember seeing this before. After the light turned green, I spent most of the afternoon thinking about what I just observed, and how dangerous that situation could become.

Were an accident to occur, it would be impossible to determine who was at fault. A red light means “Stop!”, but a yellow light means “proceed with caution.” But when both lights are on, which do you follow? What happens when traffic lights give mixed signals? I don’t ever remember reading about that situation in any driving manual. I am hopeful that the faulty traffic light is corrected soon. If it isn’t, a disaster is waiting to happen.

Unfortunately, sending mixed signals is not limited to traffic lights. Some people have perfected the art. Far too often in our professional and personal relationships, we have a hard time trying to figure out what somebody really meant by either their behavior or their speech. This type of deception is called “strategic ambiguity,” which allows its’ practitioners to be deliberately vague about their goals, objectives, and intentions. Many of us do this unconsciously. We do not wish to be “boxed” in, and in the name of “leaving our options open,” we never give definitive answers or make specific commitments.

In some cases, this may be valuable, particularly if one has not arrived at a conclusion about what course of action one plans to make. But I believe sending mixed signals is a practice that we should do our best to avoid.

Consider what Jesus says in the longest sermon he ever preached, a message that is traditionally referred to as the Sermon on the Mount:

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.
Matthew 5:33-37 MSG

It sounds so simple. But just because it sounds simple does not mean it is easy. “Saying what you mean” requires integrity, courage, and tact. Refusing to “manipulate words” to get your own way requires honesty, sincerity, and transparency. There is so much double-hearted double-talk in our worlds, that to find someone who simply says what they mean is rare.

Question: Do you send mixed signals?

Suggestion: In his book The Speed Of Trust, Stephen Covey recommends a practice that I have found is extremely helpful in eliminating the tendency to send mixed signals. He says to begin “declaring your intentions.” Some of you older folks with southern roots may recall this practice. Back when courting was in vogue, a potential suitor had to announce to a woman’s family his “intentions.” Once the intentions were declared, then a decision was made whether or not to allow the courtship to continue. The act of making this declaration kept the declarer honest, and provided a standard by which any future actions could be evaluated.

Covey recommends that we adopt this practice in our personal and professional lives. Announcing your intentions requires

Research (to find out what you want),
Calculation (to determine if what you want is worth the cost), and
Commitment (to decide if you have the resources to secure what you desire).

Why don’t you try it?

Sending Mixed SIgnals