You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em And Know When To Fold 'Em

There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

A few years ago one of my best friends called me on Father's Day. Given the time of his call, and the excitement in his voice when I answered, I knew something spectacular must have occurred. However, I must confess that I couldn’t imagine what. Spectacular is not a word that most of us associate with Father’s Day. Unlike Mothers’ Day, Fathers Day is a pretty bland and muted affair. On Mother’s Day, hats are worn, restaurants are full, and tears are shed. According to the Hallmark Corporation, Mother’s Day is the third largest card sending Holiday in the United States, the largest card sending Holliday in the Hispanic community, and the largest gift giving day following Christmas. On Father’s Day, well…. Let’s just say you can usually get a table in any restaurant in any city at any time, with no reservation required LOL. Let me hasten to add that there are some very valid reasons for this disparity, the most significant of which is the fact that many fathers (me included) haven’t been that spectacular.

But my friend Martin has been a spectacular father, and on that Father’s Day he called to share that his oldest daughter had given him a spectacular gift. Throughout her childhood, he would always deposit unsolicited nuggets of wisdom into her heart and mind. As he drove her to school, or while they stood in line at the grocery store, or as they watched a movie together, he would dispense proverbs and axioms to mould her character, shape her thinking, and guide her aspirations. As most parents do, he assumed that she wasn’t listening. But on that Father’s day, his daughter proved that she had not only been listening all those years, but had taken heed. On that Father’s day, she presented him with a bound collection of all of the things he had said to her over the years, and explained the connection between what he had said and the major decisions that she had made. What an amazing gift! It blew him away. And it blew me away as well. I was jealous.

After we hung up the phone, Maya’s gift to her Dad inspired me to think of think of how my Dad had moulded my character, shaped my thinking and guided my aspirations. Like my friend Martin, my Dad was always dispensing unsolicited wisdom. And like Maya, I didn’t realize how profoundly what he said had impacted me. But it occurred to me that I had never written any of what he said down. So I immediately called my two brothers and we spent some time cataloging all of the things that my Father used to say. At the top of each of our lists was the title of this blog.

The title of this blog is also the title of song that the country crooner Kenny Rogers made famous. I had never listened to the song in its entirety or studied its lyrics—which were written by Don Schlitz. But on that day I did. Let me share them with you. The words are their best commentary. I”m not sure if Kenny Rogers or Don Schlitz ever read what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 3:1. But is sure seems like it.

On a warm summer's eve
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin'
Out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us,
And he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of readin' people's faces
Knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done

Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die
in your sleep

And when he finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The gambler he broke even
But in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done

May God give you the wisdom to know when to hold. And when to fold. At some point in your life, both actions will be necessary.

Thanks, Dad